Friday, 4 April 2008

Extra Kinky Sex Please, We're British

The headline in last Sunday's News of the World said it all: "F1 Boss Has Sick Nazi Orgy With 5 Hookers." Some translation may be in order: "F1" is Formula One, the auto-racing league that's big business everywhere but the United States. The league's president is Max Mosley, a wealthy Englishman who just happens to be the son of notorious British fascist Oswald Mosley. That's what makes a Nazi orgy all the more piquant. As for what sort of behavior makes a Nazi orgy sick (as opposed to healthy?), well, I'd rather not speculate.

But I don't need to. The News of the World details it all: how the 67-year-old Mosley spent five hours (!) whipping prostitutes, being whipped by them and, almost pedantically, engaging in sex acts. Some of the hookers were in striped outfits reminiscent of concentration camp victims. Mosley barked at them in German.

Mosley couldn't deny that this had taken place, since the tabloid had photos and posted a video of selected highlights on its web site (since taken down, interestingly, though you can find sanitized excerpts on YouTube). In his defense Mosley said he spoke German not because he was engaged in some sick, twisted Nazi fantasy, but because two of the prostitutes were German. Ah, that explains it all. He was just putting them at ease. (The really sick ones speak in Esperanto. "Frappi mi nu!" Or, "Hit me now!")

The battered F1 chief isn't taking this lying down. Or, rather, he did take his battering lying down, but now he's fighting back. This was a covert sting, he said. And perhaps he's right. I can see a bunch of News of the Screws editors kicking around ideas on who to entrap and how, and being enormously pleased with themselves at coming up with the concentration camp theme. Perhaps Max had ordered the randy schoolgirl fantasy package ("I'm sorry, Headmaster, I won't lose my homework again") but when confronted with Elsa She-Wolf of the SS he just went with the flow.

Mosley got a little early support from the Telegraph's motor racing writer, Kevin Garside, who said it shouldn't matter what Max got up to in private with his privates. But even he has backed down after Mosley's latest maneuvers. After the Toyota, Honda, BMW and Mercedes racing teams wrote a letter criticizing the F1 chief, Mosley responded by saying he wasn't surprised BMW and Mercedes would sound off, given their history "particularly before and during the Second World War." You'd think Mosley would've approved of that history.

So, a wonderful British sex scandal, involving what all good British sex scandals involve: wealth, aristocracy, the delicate sting of the lash, along with a side order of fascism.

I'm fascinated by the way Mrs. Mosley--for there is a Mrs. Mosley--is depicted in the News of the World article. Jean, his "devoted wife" of 48 years, is a saint. Guess where they met? At a fascist rally. Lovely couple.

BritNews RoundUp: Model Behavior
It would be hard to compete with that story, but I offer Naomi Campbell, who yesterday was arrested at Heathrow Airport after one of her bags was lost. She allegedly spit at a cop who had come to calm her down. This took place at Heathrow's Terminal 5 which was unveiled last week with much fanfare and then quickly descended into a sort of Dantean hell. Mere hours after it opened flights were being canceled because the baggage system was all screwed up. By mid-week more than 20,000 bags had been lost and travelers were told they could bring only carry-on luggage.

The British love a disaster of their own making--they wallow in their failures*--but this one was colossal. What's worse, we leave tomorrow for a week in Rome. Guess where we're flying from: Terminal 5.

*(A side note: When we visited Dover last week we toured the secret bunkers from which much World War 2 strategy was planned. It was from there that the Dunkirk retreat was overseen. I had always thought of Dunkirk as a disaster, a broken army barely escaping from the Nazis. But at Dover the evacuation of 300,000 soldiers is celebrated as a great victory. I can sort of see it, since it allowed the British to keep fighting long enough for us to come and save the day.)

As bad as it is for Max Mosley and Naomi Campbell and Terminal 5 travelers, it could be worse. They could be Mischa Barton and be fighting the heartache of "dimpled thighs." According to the Daily Mail, "the slender 22-year-old's extremely pale thighs already appear to have some issues with cellulite." The horror.

How much do you love your spouse? Would you save him/her from a crocodile? Norm Moreen did. The Australian didn't just watch as his wife, Wendy Pethereen, was grabbed by an 8-foot-long beast. He jumped in the water, poked out its eyes and rescued her. How long before crocodiles evolve goggles?

It might be time for Glenn Crawley to get a new hobby. The 52-year-old from Newquay in Cornwall enjoys sailing. That's a problem, since he doesn't really know how to sail. He has needed rescuing by the local lifeboat team so many times that authorities have banned him from launching his 16-foot craft until he learns to sail. Said Crawley: "I'm just being victimised because I go out there and push the limits - that's what I enjoy doing."

Gargoyle of the Week


This rather agitated fellow clings to the wall of the Career Services building on the Banbury Road. Can't find a job? Don't worry. I will eat you.

Arrivederci
Blogging may be a little sporadic next week, as the family will be taking a Roman holiday. And we're visiting Pompeii, though I hear it's kind of run down.

16 comments:

Henry said...

good luck with the flight everyone. I read that BA are sending all the backlogged T5 bags to Italy anyway, so if they lose yours, you could probably half-inch someone else's.

My granddad was at Dunkirk and he lost all his bags too: the rescue ships didn't even allow carry-on. He was particularly aggrieved to have to ditch his darts-board. Not so much the mortar they'd been given at the start of the campaign and lugged all across France without ever getting any ammunition for it.

have a great trip!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I don't know what you are going to do without the British papers once you come home...

And, yes, Dunkirk saved the British army so they could fight another day and defend Mother England. And hold off the Germans until we finally jumped in. Picture it - without the Western Front being so active, Hitler may have been able to take Russia before winter set in.

mark from alexandria said...

The fact that the F1 chief was Oswald Mosley's son is just perfect. That would also make him the son of one of the "Mitford Girls," London 20th century literary "it girls." Wasn't Mussolini's granddaughter a slightly kinky Italian parliamentarian a few years back. Maybe you can look her up during the Roman Spring of Mr. Kelly. What is it with these fascist spawns, makes one believe in genetics.

Richard said...

Fascist spawn isn't always evil. Nicholas Mosley is a rather good, if rather embarassed, novelist.

And may I beg to differ with an implicit view in this thread. It wasn't the US wot won the war. Nor the Russian winter. It was the Red Army, in Moscow 1941 and Stalingrad 1942.

Cue our resident military historian: Ken.

Candadai Tirumalai said...

In her capacity to throw tantrums, Naomi Campbell can rival any operatic prima donna.

mark from alexandria said...

I beg to semi-differ with you, Richard. The allies won the European Front. Russian casualties were terrible, I will agree and the Red Army fought ferociously. I am sure you didn't mean to denigrate the sacrifices of any of the Allies. As a frequent visitor to Normandy, I know the people of that part of France are well aware that it was the English, Canadians, and Americans who liberated them. As for the Pacific Front, we may all hate to accept it, but it was the Atomic bomb that ultimately led to the surrender of Japan, the end of the Hot War and the start of the Cold War, at least in my humble opinion. (I blame this on John for going all serious on us )yesterday.

Ruth said...

How 'bout them Nat's?!!

Richard said...

That's OK MFA. The restriction to the Germans and the War in Europe is fair. But in that theatre, had it not been for the Red Army's war of attrition on the Russian front in 1941 I doubt there would have been a Normandy. The amount of Russian dead, both civilian and military, dwarfs those suffered by any other country.

A failure to recognise this, and in particular attributing the success of the Russians in imposing the first ever defeat on the wehrmacht to the chill of the winter, I fear is a relic of cold war thinking.

And yes, it's John's fault for that stuff about Iraq yesterday.

John Kelly said...

Interesting how we're ignoring the kinky sex to focus on rehashing World War 2! We probably should thank the Japanese for helping the Allies win WW2. If they hadn't attacked Pearl Harbor Roosevelt wouldn't have been able to convince congress to enter the war and the Brits would have had to do it alone.

Mary said...

No mention today of it being the
40th anniversary of the assasination of Martin Luther King?

I read that The Washington Post was asking for contributions from their readers of their memories that occurred at that time. My oldest daughter was only three months old the time.......

Mary said...

...[con't.] of the assasination, and my husband and I were standing at the Dairy Queen [of all places]just off New Hampshire Avenue in Hyattsville. The thundering sounds of the troops and convoys rolling down the Avenue towards
D. C. was frightening. If felt as if we were being "occupied" by military forces, which in fact we were. This "invasion" went on for endless miles that day.

With all of the looting that was occurring in D. C., you wouldn't think that it would reach out, as far as College Park, Maryland. But it did. With a knock on my front door one morning, there was a young man [Black...known at that time] standing with a brand new Quaker Lace Tablecloth to sell. Whoever heard of a door to door Quaker Lace Tablecloth salesman? I believe he was "selling" for an absurd price [even for that time] of $5.00. [and yes, I turned him down with a "No thank you", but he could see in my eyes, I hope, profound disappointment in his ethics.]

There was an air of fear and, I am sorry to say, racism in the air, as well. Blacks and Whites, even while shopping at Toys R Us, averted one another's gaze. And yes, there was a look of anger mixed with fear.

I personally hated how I felt, and wondered how long would it take for the world, as I knew it, would return to "normal".

Beatrice said...

Don't mention the war!

And I think the kinky sex bit is much more interesting than the WWII stuff. But you know these British love Nazi scandals just as much as the sex ones.

H said...

Beatrice - good point about the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.

On the Nazi Sex saga, did anyone else immediately think of the 'Not the Nine O'Clock News' skinhead/punk spoof "Baronet Oswald Ernald Mosley?:

Anonymous said...

Some people have been jailed for doing what Max got up to.

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